Why I am in a state of mourning.
10 August, 2005 -12:29 a.m.

Lately I have felt so blue... well I mean I had a stomach virus yesterday and today so that made me sad but I mean like for the past few weeks... I think its because I am mourning the loss of a friend.. but its hurts more than usual because I am making the choice not to be friends anymore... and the thing is I am really bad at this..(and no dont worry its not nes... we have to strong a bond that cant be severed by conventional methods)...

Its just that this relationship is not a good one anymore... its not even healthy. I mean I really care for this person but they only care about themselves or the newest significant other they have at the moment. My feelings dont matter and after knowing this person for almost decade I feel like they dont know a thing about me or what kinda person I am... I think thats what I feel most sad about is that I thought I had a friend who cared about me only to wake up one day and realize they dont. I mean it wasnt always this way but now it is. And it sucks. But oh well...

I do still have other friends who love me but I am sad. I still miss my best friend in high school Kristen. I dream about her almost every night... not in a weird way but a dream where we are still best friends because she was a seriously good best friend (tied with nes)... its just we lost touch and now she obviously hates me and wont return my calls....

Maybe its me... Maybe I am the bad friend... fuck anything is possible..

I am goin to see my selfish ass brother whom I love more than life this weekend so pray that I dont drag his skinny ass back to town where it belongs...

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- - 25 February, 2006
Why I feel my name should be Brokeback Violet - 24 January, 2006
- - 16 January, 2006
Why I am not in a good mood at all.. - 10 January, 2006
relief! - 04 January, 2006